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Why do we let a misunderstanding lead us not to talk to a family member? I have tried to forgive but it is hard to let go of what they did.


Thank you for your question – it’s a difficult one to answer, and since I don’t know the circumstances surrounding your question, I’ll start by saying that I know it can be very hard to forgive someone when they have done something very wrong to you. The best advice is to pray that God will help you to know He loves you, and help you deal with your situation, overcome it and forgive those around you.

I’ll answer this question in two parts.

Firstly, why do we let misunderstandings lead us not to talk to other people?

Cutting ties with people when we’ve had a disagreement or we feel they’ve wronged us in some way can often be a result of our pride clouding our judgement and magnifying the problem.

The Bible tells us that, left to our own devices, we all would naturally do what is right in our own eyes (Proverbs 21:2, Proverbs 16:2), with little consideration for others or for God.

In Philippians 2:3, the writer says: “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves” – what a challenge! Treating somebody as more important than ourselves does not come easily, but unless we overcome our pride, we will not be able to sustain healthy relationships with those around us.

Secondly, why can’t we let it go?

Saying you forgive someone and actually putting that into practice are very different things. If you haven’t let the issue go, you haven’t truly forgiven them. Scripture highlights the importance of forgiveness. (Colossians 3:12-15)

Practising forgiveness towards each other is a reflection, however pale, of God’s forgiveness towards us, after His son Jesus stepped in to represent us to God. Ephesians 4:32 tells us “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” If you are a believer, then this is a command you must try to obey.

Matthew 18:21-34 is a parable (an illustrative story) of a servant who owes a large debt to his master. He pleads with his master to have patience to let him repay his debts, and the master has pity on him. But the servant does not extend the same pity to another person who owes him money, and acts cruelly towards them.

When the master finds out, he tells his servant he should have ‘paid it forward’ and has him thrown into prison. This is an illustration of how we should act towards others because of the forgiveness God has given us.

Forgiving others is not always easy, but it is something we can ask God for help with by praying – in fact, Jesus taught us to ask for forgiveness and the ability to forgive through the Lord’s prayer : “...and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors". (Matthew 9:12)

In closing, if you would like to speak to someone about this, I’m sure your local church will be glad to discuss it with you. They will be able to offer you prayer and support in this and other matters. You can find your nearest church by using this link:

I hope this goes some way towards answering your question and helping you to know God better. If you want to know more about what Jesus has done for you please watch the video on the main part of our site:

If you have any more questions, please use feel free to send it in:

*All Scripture references are taken From The English Standard Version of the Holy Bible unless stated otherwise

*If anything in this answers affects you directly, then please feel free to call our confidential prayer line in the UK on 0845 4567729, where trained Christian volunteers will take your call and pray both for you and with you. If you are outside of the UK then you may submit your request for prayer on line at

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