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My partner died and no one at the church came to visit me. I feel let down and have stopped going. Jesus wouldn't behave this way.


Thank you for sharing your testimony and asking questions.
I am sorry to firstly hear about the passing of your partner and secondly that you feel let down by the Church.

Through all of this I am encouraged to hear that you have not lost faith in God. He knows what it is like to lose a loved one. His own Son was killed and separated from him like never before. Cling to Christ through these difficult times; I pray that you know the love and peace of God.

Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

The sad truth is that many Churches in the UK and across the world do not have proper pastoral structures in place to help people through times of need. Most Christians only attend Church on a Sunday morning for 1 to 2 hours at most. This is all the time they can seem to spare. It is difficult when people have 9-5 jobs (including leaving at 8am and arriving home at 6pm). And if they have family to look after, finding time to do almost anything else is very difficult. This is not an excuse and we should strive to meet together though and especially with people who are struggling.

This is something to consider: I wonder if someone else's partner had previously passed away in the Church, would you have personally had the time to go and visit them? I think part of the problem is that everyone else thinks someone else will go and visit. I am sure that the people would have wanted you to be okay but perhaps they presumed someone else was going to be looking after you. 

I also want to encourage you to tell the Church how you feel and to share how it upset you that they did not come and visit. Perhaps write them a letter or send an email.
This will do 2 things:
First it will let them know you feel wronged and help you to be reconciled
Second it will raise the issue in the Church and hopefully they can learn from their mistakes and address the problem to help others in the future. 

I would then encourage you to ask for someone in the Church to be a pastoral support for you and to pray for and with you. If this cannot be done then there are probably some serious issues at the Church. Perhaps it would be wise to find a Church that cares in this way for the people who are part of it.

You may be right to be angry and upset, but you should not just let that fester. Instead you need to find reconciliation, healing, help and peace. I hope that the Church can be the solution to the problems you have raised. They may created the problem but can also help correct it by apologising and making an effort to get alongside you in this time of need. Do not continue to be angry or bitter but aim for restoration:

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbour, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil (Ephesians 4:25)

So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. (Matthew 5:23-24)

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God (2 Corinthians 5:17-22)

I do hope this general answer to your question goes some way to helping you find peace with God through Jesus Christ our Lord. If you want to know more about what Jesus has done for you please watch the video on the main part of our site:

In closing, I want to encourage you to get more involved with your local church. It would be good to speak to a Christian leader or another trusted church individual regarding your question. I know they would be delighted to further answer you as well as offer prayer and support as you continue your spiritual journey:

Please use our Interactive Answer Matrix and feel free to ask another question. Our helpful staff are praying for you and waiting to try and answer to you from the Bible, and will be delighted to tell you more about Jesus Christ the Lord, the Saviour of the world.

*All Scripture references are taken From The English Standard Version of the Holy Bible unless stated otherwise

*If anything in this answer affects you directly, then please feel free to call our confidential prayer line in the UK on 0845 4567729, where trained Christian volunteers will take your call and pray both for you and with you. If you are outside of the UK then you may submit your request for prayer on line at

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