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Question

How can someone deal with sexual immorality or is it okay to have sex while you are not married?

Answer

Thank you for your very honest question.

Everyone at some point will have struggled with these issues, and we sometimes encounter feelings of remorse or regret for doing something that makes us feel like we've been doing wrong. Especially in these days when sex outside of marriage, that is, sex without the marriage vows is promoted as ‘normal’,

in all of these things it is important we check what the Bible has to say on the matter!

First of all it is important to know that sex was invented by God and is a good thing and an amazing blessing for people who are made in the image of God to enjoy as he meant it to be enjoyed! People do tend to take what God has created and twist it. They can use sex for their own gain, satisfy their need for love, satisfy their need for power etc; the list goes on. The truth is:

sex, through the oneness of marriage brings forth life!

What an amazing thing God has done! What does it tell us about God? The God that invented marriage and sex, made men and women in his own triune image. We can find so much about what God says about sex in the bible. In the bible we find that unity and covenant between a man and a woman is a reflection of the very nature of God - three persons totally united as the one true God and life flowed from him. God said:

“You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14)

This is one of the commandments given by God to Moses. This is an important issue for God, otherwise, why would he have taken the time to carve it into a tablet of stone. This commandment flows out of the first two commandments and in its widest understanding, it covers ANY sex outside of marriage. The Bible here is very clear. So, let me explain why I think sexual boundaries are important to God:

The most important thing to remember is this: God has our best interests at heart.

When we indulge in this gift of sex (which was created for the unity of one man with one woman) and the joy of sex and intimacy illicitly, and with a whole bunch of other people, then something becomes badly broken! Unfortunately, at the time of the transgression, we can’t possibly realise the brokenness we plunge our hearts into! Remember, the reason why I said, “it flows out of the first two commandments”, is because these two commands deal with a wholehearted commitment between God and His people. The problem with God’s people in the Old Testament is that they were spiritually and sexually promiscuous with other gods and broke their covenant with the one true God who had called them to Himself just as the following verse states in Jeremiah:

Then I saw that for all the causes for which backsliding Israel had committed adultery, I had put her away and given her a certificate of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear, but went and played the harlot also. (Jeremiah 3:8)

Covenant that is holy and single hearted commitment is very important to God. If we believe the Bible and that the God of the Bible created us, then we need to take what He says about how we should use our bodies seriously. For, in obeying this directive commandment of sex inside of the covenant relationship of marriage, God has our very best interests at heart. If we sow to the wind, that is, engage in sexual activity outside of God's boundaries, then we will indeed reap the whirlwind!

You might even think that a current relationship you are engaged with is heading toward the covenant of marriage, and you even may be engaged. However, this is not marriage itself. Until both of you are standing at the end of an aisle saying "I do", anything could happen. Do not open up your heart or life up to sex until the covenant of marriage is complete.

Our relationships really matter to God – hence why we have commandments! Indeed, the intimate and covenant relationship between a man and his wife is a picture of Christ's relationship with His church. He only has one church and He loves it and it alone. Having sex outside of marriage, not only mars this image but also has bad repercussive consequences. How can it then be a loving thing to do with another person/people?

In summary then, sex outside of marriage is definitely not allowed! It is sinful.

A basic, well used and highly practical 'avoiding sexual immorality' tactic utilised fully by Joseph is, quite simply, to just to run away! Yes, just get yourself out of a situation where you might get tempted – better still, don’t even go there! If marriage is your ultimate desire, then you must save yourself for your future husband or wife. If singleness is your path, then burn brightly for God and learn how to make Him your true source of total satisfaction. Run away, and while you are running, pray to God for help. Remember, you can run away from sin and in this, there is great wisdom and safety.

Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; He who does so destroys his own soul. (Proverbs 6:32)

Here are some further Bible References for your consideration:

  • Matthew 19:18
  • Hosea 3:1
  • Romans 13:9

I hope this answer helps you to find peace with God through Jesus Christ. If you want to know more about what Jesus has done for you please watch the video on the main part of our site: Watch the video

I encourage you to attend a local Bible believing church and speak to the leader about your question. If you want to find a local church, our Church Finder may help you: Find a Church

Please feel free to submit a question to us or to read our answer database: Ask a Question

*Taken From The New King James Version of the Holy Bible unless stated otherwise

*If anything in this answer affects you directly, then please feel free to call our confidential prayer line in the UK on 0845 4567729, where trained Christian volunteers will take your call and pray both for you and with you. If you are outside of the UK then you may submit your request for prayer on line at www.ucb.co.uk/prayerline


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