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Question

We are Christians, but I just got my fiancé pregnant! We are getting married but our parents are going to be so disappointed in us. Any advice would be helpful right now.

Answer

Thank you so much for your enquiry.

First of all the fact that you and your fiancé have recognised how as Christians you have gone astray from God’s Word by engaging in a sexual relationship before marriage, and have repented of the same, is the beginning of making things right.

The bible can encourage us when it tells us that if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). God Himself can also encourage us when we read: For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: "I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite". (Isaiah 57:15). Having laid hold of those promises, you and your fiancé will stand forgiven before God and then you must also forgive yourselves.

However, even when sin has been confessed and forgiven, there may be consequences that must be faced and when necessary dealt with honestly. This is a biblical principle, as Paul wrote do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. (Galatians 6:7).

Part of your reaping is that you now have a baby conceived before marriage, but you can still thank God for this child and provide it with love, care and an upbringing in the knowledge and fear of the Lord.

Another consequence is that you have begun a sexual relationship which should wait until marriage and this can undermine the joy of sexual intimacy by its association with your failure to wait. It can help a great deal to re-establish a righteous relationship by discontinuing the sexual relationship until after your wedding. I pray that God will give you wisdom in this.

Another consequence may be a backlash of hurt, anger and disappointment from parents and other family members, especially if they are also believers.

Bear in mind, that parents want the best for their children; they have hopes and dreams for them, just as you will have for your child, and initially, those hopes and dreams will appear to have, in a sense, been dashed; so try and put yourself in their shoes as you consider the way forward.

If you have not already told your families, you will need to do so. Here are some practical suggestions for breaking the news to the families.

I would suggest first of all, that as you are both just coming to terms with this yourselves, you do not rush but take time to prepare yourselves and get counsel and spiritual support from your pastor or some other trusted person.

Secondly, when you do go to your families, go humbly. Don’t reply with anger or defensiveness to any negative reactions. Ask for their forgiveness for the pain you have caused them and this will hopefully diffuse the situation. Some people in your situation tell one parent first, usually the mother, who will then break the news to the other parent. It may help to bring forward the wedding if at all possible. You could consider writing an email or letter first to let them read in their own time, then asking to meet to discuss it in a public place. This will help people process it and not overreact in a private place.

Thirdly, be patient. Your families may need time to overcome their shock and to adjust positively to the child who is on their way. If they are Christians, there is no doubt they should extend grace to you but such healing may take time. The birth of your baby will go a long way to healing relationships and become a blessing within the families, as God intends for children to be.

Gather yourselves around people who will support and pray for you. Continue to spend time with God, asking for forgiveness, and continue to walk in his way and will. May God bless you as you bring your child into the world.

Here are some more Bible Verses for your further consideration:

  • Genesis 2:24-25
  • Psalm 127:3-5
  • Psalm 139:13-16

I hope this answer helps you to find peace with God through Jesus Christ. If you want to know more about what Jesus has done for you please watch the video on the main part of our site: Watch the video

I encourage you to attend a local Bible believing church and speak to the leader about your question. If you want to find a local church, our Church Finder may help you: Find a Church

Please feel free to submit a question to us or to read our answer database: Ask a Question

*All Scripture references are taken From The English Standard Version of the Holy Bible unless stated otherwise

*If anything in this answer affects you directly, then please feel free to call our confidential prayer line in the UK on 0845 4567729, where trained Christian volunteers will take your call and pray both for you and with you. If you are outside of the UK then you may submit your request for prayer on line at www.ucb.co.uk/prayerline


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