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Is it God's responsibility to find me a husband?
Thank you so much for your honest spiritual enquiry. The first question we need to ask is does God always want us to be married? In the Bible we learn that marriage was originally made when Jesus was united to his people the Church. This can be seen in Ephesians 5:31-32: "For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two of them shall be one flesh." This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
God does want us to be married then but not necessarily to another human but ultimately to Christ. All human marriage is a reflection of Christ’s marriage to the Church. Therefore can we first encourage you to make your relationship with Christ be like a marriage. Obviously there is no sexual element to this relationship, but the Bible clearly shows us that Christ is to be closer than a spouse. One of the leaders of the early Church actually wrote that it is good to remain single as he was so that he could devote his life to God. This can be seen in 1 Corinthians 7:8.
Secondly there is no negative reason to want to be married or to get married. God encouraged the first humans to be together and made Eve for Adam.
You could say that the ultimate act of matchmaking is when God made Eve for Adam in Genesis 2:20-23; she was the perfect companion for him!
There are some other instances in the Bible where God appears to direct men and women to one another, in order to fulfil His purposes. For example, there is the account of how Isaac and Rebekah were united: Then he said, “O Lord God of my master Abraham, please give me success this day...let her be the one You have appointed for Your servant Isaac. And by this I will know that You have shown kindness to my master.” (Genesis 24:12-14)
There is also the account of how Ruth was united with Boaz in the Book of Ruth. We can definitely see the directing hand of God in this relationship, the result of which was the beginning of the house of Jesse and of David, and thereby the lineage of the Lord Jesus Christ. See Ruth 4:17.
It is not necessarily God's responsibility to find you a husband. The examples given above are rare exceptions. Scripture tells us that as we commit our way to the Lord, He directs our steps, and we should pray and ask Him for help in our search for a spouse.
I have heard testimonies from couples who do give credit to the Lord for bringing them together. However, for the most part, I would suggest that God gives us certain parameters to function within regarding finding a spouse, and then it is our responsibility to stay within those boundaries, while doing all we can on our part.
If you are a Christian then the most important boundary is that of making sure that you find a godly, Christian man. The apostle Paul is very clear when he warns us not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14). See also 1 Corinthians 7:39, where he urges widows to only re-marry “in the Lord”.
The Old Testament also is full of God’s warnings to the children of Israel not to marry 'foreigners': those who worshipped other gods. Our Heavenly Father knows best in this. Marriage is hard enough between two believers, never mind when you have the absence of a shared faith. It may be tempting for modern Christian women to look outside of the church to find eligible young men, however the bible encourages us to attend church and we trust that you will find your husband there.
When you meet a potential husband, you should ask yourself some questions: Is he born again? Is he a one woman man? Does he honour his parents? Does he take care of his younger sisters? Is he walking with God? Is he in church and subject to leadership? Does he read his Bible and pray, with me? Does he have a job? Is he in debt? Does he have wholesome friends? Does he have a good reputation?
God is sovereign, and we should pray for His will to be done, whatever our situation, and finding contentment with who we are in Christ is worth more than any person can give to us. However, I also believe if we have a longing to be married, then it’s reasonable to use all resources available to you in your search for a husband. There are a number of Christian internet dating sites, and Christian singles holidays which are widely used today, though I would suggest using caution with both of these, and really take time to get to know anyone met through these means. Only time will reveal a person’s true character.
In summary then if looking for a husband: be obedient to God and stay within His boundaries; take responsibility and do all that you can; commit yourself to His perfect, sovereign will.
Here are some more Bible Verses for your further consideration:
- 2 Corinthians 6:15-18
- Philippians 4:11
- 1 Corinthians 7:9
I hope this answer helps you to find peace with God through Jesus Christ. If you want to know more about what Jesus has done for you please watch the video on the main part of our site: Watch the video
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*All Scripture references are taken From The New King James Version of the Holy Bible unless stated otherwise
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