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What do I do, when my husband, who claimed to be a Christian, is abusive towards me? Why is God letting me suffer?


Thank you so much for your honest spiritual enquiry about your relationship. We are sorry to hear that your husband is being abusive.

First of all, the Bible is very clear regarding how Christian husbands are to treat their wives, with the principle extended to all people. 

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her…So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself…For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church (Ephesians 5:25-29).

Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them (Colossians 3:19).

This is the behaviour that God expects, so there is no excuse for a husband to be abusive to his wife and domestic violence is wrong. Likewise, God also expects from wives that just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything...and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:24,33)

It’s true to say that in most marriages there are times when we fail one another and conflicts and disputes arise, just from two flawed human beings living together, but being committed to each other, this can usually be overcome with God’s help.

Sometimes serious issues might need the help of a third party, if each is willing to commit to that. This can be helpful and we encourage you to investigate Godly counselling in your area.

The apostle Paul speaks about Christian behaviour in general and how we are to relate to those who treat us unjustly by telling us that if it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men (Romans 12:9-21). However, as this verse indicates, in some circumstances, sometimes it is just not possible.

Secondly, there are many who claim to be Christians, but their lives do not exhibit the marks of belonging to Christ. The evidence of someone who has been born again by the Spirit of God is fruit- the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22-25).

As believers, we all wrestle with the old nature and sin when we fail to yield to the Holy Spirit within us. However, if there is someone who allows the sin nature to rule and fails to exhibit the fruit of the Spirit, then we have to ask if they were very really a Christian at all.

So then in summary: pray for your husband and try to live peacefully with them. If this is not possible then get help.

If the abuse you mention is physical or sexual, or in any way causing you harm / mental distress, then that could be a crime and we would encourage you to seek professional help from the police or a refuge. Without knowing what the abuse you mention is, it is hard to give a comprehensive answer. Domestic abuse is a crime and we want to encourage you to find the right support.

Here are some more Bible Verses for your further consideration:

  • Romans 12:9-21
  • Ephesians 5:25-29
  • Colossians 3:19

I hope this answer helps you to find peace with God through Jesus Christ. If you want to know more about what Jesus has done for you please watch the video on the main part of our site: Watch the video

I encourage you to attend a local Bible believing church and speak to the leader about your question. If you want to find a local church, our Church Finder may help you: Find a Church

Please feel free to submit a question to us or to read our answer database: Ask a Question

*All Scripture references are taken From The New King James Version of the Holy Bible unless stated otherwise

*If anything in this answer affects you directly, then please feel free to call our confidential prayer line in the UK on 0845 4567729, where trained Christian volunteers will take your call and pray both for you and with you. If you are outside of the UK then you may submit your request for prayer on line at

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