Ask a questionQ & A

Questions & answers    RELATIONSHIPS    Husbands & Wives


How do I know God has picked the man I am about to marry as my husband?


Thank you so much for your spiritual enquiry about marriage.

Speaking as a Pastor this is one of the most frequent questions I get asked by single people, though to be sure, I am mostly asked this by young men. The question usually goes something like this, “Pastor, how do I know that she is ‘the one’?” My response to them and so to you is very simple:

After your wedding night, when you wake up in the morning and stare at that head on the pillow next to you, guess what? They are the one! Therefore, you must choose your future spouse wisely.

I do not want to get you any more nervous as the date of your wedding comes ever closer, but the truth is that I have met some women who have married what they thought was ‘the man of their dreams’ and found that he has become the ‘beast of their nightmares.’ His bad habits, bad breath, and bad company have tended to take the shine off their relationship and to make matters worse, if they then believe that God has chosen this person for the rest of their life, then it can also take the shine off their own personal relationship with God. After all, 'Why did God pick THIS man for me?' Well, God didn’t! They did. Therefore, I say to you again that you must choose your future spouse wisely.

My point is this, unless you live in a culture where your spouse is selected for you, then the choice of who you marry is yours. This being the case then, in all prayerfulness: choose wisely!

A good place to begin to shed some light on your choice is to ask yourself some serious questions: if you are a Christian, ask yourself first of all: is he born again? Is he a one woman man? Does he honour his parents? Does he take care of his younger sisters? Is he walking with God? Is he in church and subject to leadership? Does he read his Bible and pray with me? Does he have a job? Is he in debt? Does he have wholesome friends? Does he have a good reputation?

If the answer to any of these questions is ‘no’, then these are matters for concern. Investigate the reasons why you are getting a ‘no’ to these questions, because you must choose your future spouse wisely.

Similarly, in cultures where a spouse is chosen by others, then it is the responsibility of those people who do the choosing to prayerfully, practically and wisely make this choice. Surely, the responsibility of such a choosing for another is an even greater burden to bear. After all, they are choosing for someone else! Therefore, all the more, pray that they would choose wisely and choose with all happiness in mind.

You might say that this investigative approach kills romance but I say to you now and thousands of women will tell you that pre-marital clarity is better than pre-marital romance! When all the challenges and pressures of this life come upon your marriage, choosing the right man for yourself will make them press you even closer together in mutual love and care for one another rather than force you apart.

In summary then, the choice of who you marry is yours, so choose prayerfully, choose practically and choose wisely because before God you are about to make some very serious and binding covenants (agreements) with this man. Make sure he is worth it; this is your responsibility. Indeed, regarding the man that has come into your life, if he is relatively new to your circle of family and friends, then go do some background checks! Make sure you are diligent in finding out as a much as you can about him. Meanwhile, read Proverbs 31:10-31. Be that woman! Value yourself in God!

Here are some more Bible Verses for your further consideration:

  • Genesis 24
  • 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8
  • Psalms 37:4-5

I hope this answer helps you to find peace with God through Jesus Christ. If you want to know more about what Jesus has done for you please watch the video on the main part of our site: Watch the video

I encourage you to attend a local Bible believing church and speak to the leader about your question. If you want to find a local church, our Church Finder may help you: Find a Church

Please feel free to submit a question to us or to read our answer database: Ask a Question

*Taken From The New King James Version of the Holy Bible unless stated otherwise

*If anything in this answers affects you directly, then please feel free to call our confidential prayer line in the UK on 0845 4567729, where trained Christian volunteers will take your call and pray both for you and with you. If you are outside of the UK then you may submit your request for prayer on line at

Find more answers in...

Questions & answers    RELATIONSHIPS  

Husbands & Wives

If you can't find an answer to your question, please ask us instead.

Twitter icon Facebook icon