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Why would God allow my husband to leave me and go off with another woman? I know He hates divorce and I never wanted it, but I had no choice.


Thank you so much for contacting us at this very difficult time in your life. I am so sorry to hear about what has happened and can well understand that you have been unable to stop thinking and grieving about it all and trying to understand why it happened.

I know from personal experience how very painful it is when we have prayed, begging God to change the situation and He seems not to have listened to us or answered us at all. Many Christians have felt like this, and so did many of God's servants in the Bible. The Psalmist wrote in his desperation,

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
    and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
    light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death. 
(Psalm 13:1-3)

God does understand how we feel, because His Son also had such an experience as He hung on the cross, an innocent victim being punished for the sins of others.

Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying... “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46)

The hard fact is that God does not explain Himself to us. I have a friend whose wife divorced him and lied to his children, turning them against him so that they would not speak to him. Years later, he still does not see them. I remember his agonised questions as he asked why God would allow this. He did not get an answer. But today, after the lonely years of hurting, he has a new wife and stepsons who relate to him as a father, and he is happy. He has been in the difficult school of suffering, and it has changed him forever. He says, 'I used to ask "Why me?" Now I ask, "Why not me?"'  

I could give you a theological explanation for why God allows human beings like your husband the freedom to betray and hurt others, and if you get in touch again, I will do so, from the Bible. Just now, you don't need explanations. You need God. 

When we do not understand what is happening, we are faced with a choice. If we can determinedly trust Him in the absence of any explanation, we can come through our worst experiences stronger and wiser. This doesn't mean that we won't go through many emotional storms, with grief, anger, fear and a sense of terrible betrayal fighting each other and attacking our faith. It does mean that God will be able to use our suffering to make us into people whom He can bless and use. He isn't only preparing us to serve Him in this world; He is making us into into people fit to reign with Him throughout eternity, and we have no idea how great the reward will be for our struggles in this world. Paul, who experienced a lot of suffering, wrote, 

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. (Romans 8:18)

Paul knew only too well that we are often confused and overwhelmed by life's sufferings and don't know how to pray. He wrote,

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. (Romans 8:26)

So when it feels as though God is not listening and the heavens are closed, the Holy Spirit is praying with you and for you, with deep groaning. He knows what you are going through and He does care.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written,
“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
    we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:35-39)

Nothing can separate you from His love. He is with you even when He feels a million miles away. He sees all that you husband has done and He knows what the outcome of it all will be. You can trust Him. He will use even these terrible events to bless you ultimately, even though that seems impossible right now. So put yourself in His hands. He is calling you.

Come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-31)

Paul, who spent half his ministry unjustly held in prison, was able to write in faith,

We know that for those who love God all things work together for good. (Romans 8:28)

Hard though it is to accept at the moment, your heavenly Father is working for your good even now. You can trust Him.

I do not know whether you attend a church but I do want to encourage you to get more involved with a good local church. You need emotional support, a social life and the prayers of others. It would be good to speak to a Christian leader or another trusted person at church about your situation. I know they would be glad to offer prayer and support as you continue your spiritual journey:

Please use our Interactive Answer Matrix and feel free to ask another question. Our helpful staff are praying for you and waiting to answer to you from the Bible. Have you trusted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour? We would be delighted to tell you more about Him and what He achieved for you when He died and rose again. 

*All Scripture references are taken From The English Standard Version of the Holy Bible unless stated otherwise

*If anything in this answer affects you directly, then please feel free to call our confidential prayer line in the UK on 0845 4567729, where trained Christian volunteers will take your call and pray both for you and with you. If you are outside of the UK then you may submit your request for prayer on line at

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