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Question

Why isn't God blessing my marriage?

Answer

Thank you for contacting us and for your honesty in asking this important question. I believe that there are many other married people who feel as you do.

You do not say how long you have been married or what it is about your marriage that is so disappointing to you, so please be patient as I try to cover some problems that often arise.

It is possible that you are feeling that there is little emotional intimacy in your marriage.

One basic problem is that women and men may have very different expectations of marriage. Women may want emotional intimacy and that means being able to share our thoughts and feelings with a partner who listens carefully, values what is said and shares his own feelings in return. Unfortunately, some men may struggle to do this well. Putting one's feelings into words is a skill, one that comes easily to some women but not always to men. In fact, many men are scared of this level of conversation, thinking that they will not be able to cope with what they are told, or may feel less of a man for sharing their feelings.

This can come as a big disappointment to a woman. A man may show you he loves you through actions, not words, and he may not find it easy to say 'I love you', either.

You will have to learn each other's love language and value each other, regardless of your strengths and limitations. Do not resent your spouse for their perceived shortcomings. Marriage partners need to practice forgiveness on a daily basis if they are to make their marriage strong.

This does not mean that you can't tell your spouse how you feel. Just ration it and tell them one thing at a time, giving them a chance to take it in. Strong intimacy in a marriage is built over time as husband and wife learn to trust each other and understand each other's ways. This is a process that cannot be rushed and it can be a lonely journey as we learn to give up our original expectations and unselfishly love the fallible human being we have married.

If both of you agree to it, Christian counselling may be of great benefit to you and your spouse. Similarly, you may find that meeting with a church leader may help you to talk through the issues you are having, and to peacefully resolve them.

Perhaps you are more concerned that you and your spouse do not seem to have spiritual fellowship. I wonder whether both of you really are Christians - people who have made Jesus Christ their Lord and Saviour?

The Bible tells us that we are all sinners who deserve to be punished by God for failing to live rightly.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23)

Our only hope of Heaven is to believe in Jesus, who died to take the punishment for our sins.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.'' (John 3:16)

When we believe in Jesus and trust Him as our Saviour, we become God's own children, adopted into His family.

To all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God (John 1:12)

If you have become His child, you can be sure that He wants to bless you and your marriage, because He loves you and has a good purpose for your life. Just ask Him to do so and persist in asking. Don't give up if you don't see results straight away. God has a long-term plan for you.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope". (Jeremiah 29:11)

I wonder whether you pray together? You would have to get past the barrier of initial embarrassment, but nothing would enrich your marriage as much as praying and reading the Bible together every day. Perhaps you could introduce this over breakfast, praying together for your day. Perhaps the evening would be better for you, when you have time to review your day and discuss topics for prayer. Don't be discouraged if it takes time to establish the habit and don't give up if nothing much seems to happen in answer to your prayers.

"You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart". (Jeremiah 29:13)

"As for me, I would seek God, and to God would I commit my cause". (Job 5:8)

Trust and seek God in your marriage, it will be worth it!

I do hope this general answer to your question goes some way to helping you find answers regarding your marriage. Trust in God, spend time with your spouse and make time to pray and read the scriptures together. 

Here are some more Bible Verses for your further consideration:

"Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses." (Matthew 11:25)

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

I hope this answer helps you to find peace with God through Jesus Christ. If you want to know more about what Jesus has done for you please watch the video on the main part of our site: Watch the video

I encourage you to attend a local Bible believing church and speak to the leader about your question. If you want to find a local church, our Church Finder may help you: Find a Church

Please feel free to submit a question to us or to read our answer database: Ask a Question

*All Scripture references are taken From The English Standard Version of the Holy Bible unless stated otherwise

*If anything in this answer affects you directly, then please feel free to call our confidential prayer line in the UK on 0845 4567729, where trained Christian volunteers will take your call and pray both for you and with you. If you are outside of the UK then you may submit your request for prayer on line at www.ucb.co.uk/prayerline


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