Ask a questionQ & A

Questions & answers    SEX, SEXUALITY & GENDER    Pre-Marital Sex


Is having a boyfriend a sin? We want to serve God together.


Thank for contacting us with your question about relationships. I am sorry that you are feeling troubled about this issue, but I am sure that you can find peace about it. You do not say how old you are or how serious your relationship with your boyfriend is. I encourage you to consider if you are of an age when it is natural and right to begin to look for a life partner.

Having a boyfriend cannot be a sin in itself, because if it was, then no-one would ever get married! However, having a romantic relationship can lead Christian young people into difficulties which can be hard to handle.

If you and your boyfriend are both Christians, then you will want Christ to be at the centre of your relationship. I wonder, are you both sure that you have made Jesus Christ your Lord and Saviour and are trusting Him to save you from sin and take you to Heaven when you die? This is a very important question to answer, because the Bible tells us not to be romantically involved with unbelievers.

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? (1 Corinthians 6:14)

If you are both Christians seeking to serve the Lord together, then you need some self-discipline and wisdom in order to avoid sexual temptation. Ask yourself whether you and your boyfriend are spending too much time alone together and you have doubts about what you are doing at those times. Sex is a good creation of God, but the bible tells us that only married people should sleep together and have a full sexual relationship.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh (Genesis 2:24)

This means that Christians should avoid situations that cause them to be tempted. There is nothing wrong with sexual desire, but it is a powerful force that can lead us to sin and therefore should be treated with care. Some people think that Christians should avoid all kissing and cuddling until they are married, while others think you should judge for yourselves what is sensible behaviour regarding sex, yet still obeying the clear teaching of the Bible. You and your boyfriend need to talk and pray together about this.

"Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak". (Matthew 26:41)

If you have a clear conscience about your sexual conduct with your boyfriend, yet you still have doubts, it is possible that God is speaking to you. If you feel a gentle pressure on your heart and conscience to end the relationship, then this could be the voice of God within you. However, if someone else is teaching you that, as a Christian, you should not have a boyfriend, then bear in mind that you are justified in making up your own mind about this. Just include God in the decision and ask Him for His guidance in making the correct decision.

To summarise, the most important thing is that all our relationships are consistent with God's Word and are conducted wisely. This is especially true of romantic relationships, because an unwise marriage can take us right away from the will of God for many years.

We have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God (Colossians 1:8-10).

Pray with each other often that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding. This is our prayer for you. By doing this, we believe that God will use you and your boyfriend according to his purpose.

I hope this answer helps you to find peace with God through Jesus Christ. If you want to know more about what Jesus has done for you please watch the video on the main part of our site: Watch the video

I encourage you to attend a local Bible believing church and speak to the leader about your question. If you want to find a local church, our Church Finder may help you: Find a Church

Please feel free to submit a question to us or to read our answer database: Ask a Question

*All Scripture references are taken From The English Standard Version of the Holy Bible unless stated otherwise

*If anything in this answer affects you directly, then please feel free to call our confidential prayer line in the UK on 0845 4567729, where trained Christian volunteers will take your call and pray both for you and with you. If you are outside of the UK then you may submit your request for prayer on line at

Find more answers in...

Questions & answers    SEX, SEXUALITY & GENDER  

Pre-Marital Sex

If you can't find an answer to your question, please ask us instead.

Twitter icon Facebook icon