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Question

I am a young person having sexual thoughts, especially about breasts. What is right and wrong and how can I stop?

Answer

Thank you for your willingness to ask a question about this difficult struggle which many people your age face.

It is important to state at first that Bible is not anti-sex. For example, in Proverbs the author says to a married man Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight (Proverbs 5:19). God himself encouraged Adam and Eve to procreate (Genesis 1:28) and Jesus talked about the importance of marriage (Matthew 19:4). God created sex and it is a good thing.

However, sex is only to take place between a husband and wife. Therefore, it is sinful to fantasise outside of this relationship.

Jesus says to married men, "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Matthew 5:28). Jesus isn't saying it is wrong to be tempted. To merely notice a girl is good looking is not sin. "Lustful intent" means to think about a girl in a sexual way. Jesus says this is sinful, just as doing the sin is. Therefore, it is important to try to stop these fantasies you are having.

Christianity deals with sin (wrong deeds) differently to other religions. Most religions tell you to pull your socks up and sort it out; some even say don't worry about sin at all. However, the Bible teaches that this will not work! On our own we can't do what is right, and we will be judged by God on the things we have done in this life (Hebrews 9:27).

Rather God gives us his Spirit to help resist temptation. This Spirit is the same Spirit Jesus had; Jesus faced all kinds of temptations, the same ones we faced, yet he never sinned (Hebrews 4:15). He always resisted.

How can we get the Spirit? Well we need to have our sins forgiven for him to enter and Jesus enabled that to happen. On the cross, he died, taking the punishment we deserved. If we trust in his death, our punishment is taken away, and the Spirit enters us as a deposit of the heavenly inheritance to come (Ephesians 1:14).

So the most important question is: have you trusted in Jesus? If you haven't, there is no way you can ever escape your sexual thoughts, however hard you try or want to.

Once you become a Christian, sin doesn't magically disappear. The Bible teaches that there is a struggle within us between two different forces. There is the "flesh" which desires to do what is wrong. Then there is the "Spirit" who desires to do what is right (Galatians 5:16-24). By the power of the Spirit, we must reject the flesh.

There are lots of ways to do this, but I will give you three to get started.

The first is to spend time growing in knowledge of God. If we truly recognise how great God is, we will desire him more than sex or anything else. Therefore, reading the Bible and finding out more of who God is needs to be high on your agenda.

A second advice is to run away from temptation. In Proverbs, the writer discusses a woman in the town who is known to be willing to sleep with men. He tells his son, keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house, (Proverbs 5:8). This advice could be given to you. Do you use your computer to look at pornography? Then get an internet filter or have an accountable friend. Do you tend to be tempted when you are bored? Find something else to do. Is a particular girl tempting you? Spend less time around her (without being rude of course).

A final piece of advice would be this: get in a church. There are many people in church who struggle with this and related problems. As you get to know people in church, open up to them about your struggles. They might be able to tell you things that worked for them. They can also check up on you to ensure you aren't struggling. If you aren't in our church, a link at the bottom of this email will tell you how to find a nearby church.

In summary, you aren't alone in struggling with sexual thoughts, many have been there. But only Jesus can help. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

Here are some more Bible Verses for your further consideration:

  • Matthew 5:27-30
  • Proverbs 5:1-23
  • Galatians 5:16-24

I hope this answer helps you to find peace with God through Jesus Christ. If you want to know more about what Jesus has done for you please watch the video on the main part of our site: Watch the video

I encourage you to attend a local Bible believing church and speak to the leader about your question. If you want to find a local church, our Church Finder may help you: Find a Church

Please feel free to submit a question to us or to read our answer database: Ask a Question

*All Scripture references are taken From The English Standard Version of the Holy Bible unless stated otherwise

*If anything in this answer affects you directly, then please feel free to call our confidential prayer line in the UK on 0845 4567729, where trained Christian volunteers will take your call and pray both for you and with you. If you are outside of the UK then you may submit your request for prayer on line at www.ucb.co.uk/prayerline


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