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Question

What does the bible say about sex? Is kissing a sin or just a reassurance of love?

Answer

Thank you so much for your question about relationships.

It’s great that you want to do what is right, and I think you’ve asked a really good question. To know what’s right and wrong we go to God’s word, the Bible, which tells us all that we need to know to live a life that please him. So, what does the Bible say about sex?

The bible is very clear that sex should only be within marriage. One of the Ten Commandments is “You shall not commit adultery.” (Exodus 20:14). Also, multiple times in the New Testament sexual immorality is clearly shown to be sin:

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18)

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. (Colossians 3:5)

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honour, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)

This means that there should be no sexual relations outside of marriage, and this refers not just to the sexual act, but to a broader category of sexual sins and activity outside of the marriage relationship. The language used is quite strong, to flee, to abstain, and to put to death.

Sex is something good and beautiful that has been created by God for marriage, and should be reserved for the stability and commitment of the marriage relationship.

What is the reason for this? Well, marriage is a wonderful picture of Christ and the Church. The love of the husband is like Christ’s sacrificial love for us, dying to redeem us, and bringing us into a relationship of complete commitment never to be severed.

The Bible says: Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendour, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. (Ephesians 5:25-27)

The Bible doesn't specifically talk about kissing and when it is appropriate and when it is not, so ultimately you have freedom to come to your own conclusions. You talk about kissing to give reassurance that what you feel is love. Kissing is a physical way of showing affection, but really to kiss or not to kiss will not give any reassurance of whether it is love or not. In fact the feelings of enjoyment from kissing might even cause you to be able to judge less clearly as to whether it is love or not.

The relationship that God has designed for men and women is marriage, which is meant to be permanent. Other relationships; girlfriend/boyfriend, fiancée, should really just be temporary steps on the process towards that. I don’t know if you and the person you like/love are thinking and planning to marry or whether that is even a possibility for you yet. Physical intimacy only tends to grow over time, so if you want to stay pure it may be wise to not get too close too quickly if marriage is still very far away.

Remember the words used in the verses about sexual immorality, to flee, to abstain, and to put to death. This is something to be taken seriously. If you look again at the verse from 1 Thessalonians, you will see that what God wants is our sanctification. This means He wants us to be pure and holy, in whatever you decide on this issue this should be your ultimate goal. Pray and ask God to guide you and give you wisdom as you seek to make a good decision in this area.

In summary, the answer to your exact question is not found in the Bible. The Bible is clear that sex should be reserved for marriage and that we should seek to live pure lives.

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honour, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)

Here is another Bible passage for your further consideration:

  • Genesis 39

I hope this answer helps you to find peace with God through Jesus Christ. If you want to know more about what Jesus has done for you please watch the video on the main part of our site: Watch the video

I encourage you to attend a local Bible believing church and speak to the leader about your question. If you want to find a local church, our Church Finder may help you: Find a Church

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*All Scripture references are taken From The English Standard Version of the Holy Bible unless stated otherwise

*If anything in this answer affects you directly, then please feel free to call our confidential prayer line in the UK on 0845 4567729, where trained Christian volunteers will take your call and pray both for you and with you. If you are outside of the UK then you may submit your request for prayer on line at www.ucb.co.uk/prayerline


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