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Is it wrong to flirt or have an affair with a married man? It will destroy his marriage but I want to get what I want and end my current relationship.


Thank you for your question. I am glad you are seeking advice on such an important issue. 

The Bible is very clear about this: the seventh of the ten commandments says “You shall not commit adultery.” (Exodus 2:14). Allowing yourself to connect emotionally or physically with a person who is not your husband or wife is not the right way of going about relationship.

If the person is single, there are ways to guard your hearts until you are both sure that starting a relationship is the right thing for you. Asking someone to keep you accountable and agreeing to be transparent in your relationship is a good way to keep yourself out of trouble.

If either person is married, then neither of you should let things get to the point where you are emotionally involved. A marriage is between one man and one woman and is a commitment that is not to be entered into lightly. Any form of unfaithfulness, whether emotional or physical, constitutes some form of adultery. Jesus said: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Matthew 5:27-28)

Allowing a text/email/phone relationship to develop is dishonouring to the institution of marriage that God ordained, and is damaging to not only the person being cheated on, but to all parties.

You mentioned that you want to 'get what you want' – that kind of attitude can be very self-destructive as well as destroying the lives of others. Are you willing to put your wants above a sacred vow that two people have made to each other before God? Are you willing to be the reason a family unit is broken? The Bible makes it clear, "what therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." (Mark 10:9)

If you're both taking part in the flirting, then the responsibility is not entirely yours, but you are able to make a decision about what is right, and how you will behave from now on.

I want to encourage you to find true peace, joy and security in Jesus Christ, and not ultimately through relationships with other men. Jesus died to forgive us our wrong and sent the Holy Spirit to help us live a life following Jesus' wonderful teaching. God created us and knows what is best for us, not out of negativity but out of love. Please follow God's teaching on this:

If anyone cleanses themselves from what is dishonourable, they will be a vessel for honourable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work.
So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart (2 Timothy 2:21-22). 

If you want to leave your own personal relationship, why do you need to break apart another one to get what you want? Why don't you consider just ending your current one without involving others? 

Ultimately because I do not know you personally or the situation any more than you have described, I want to ask you to seek advice from your friends, family, Church leaders and legal advice if needed. All of the information provided above is from the Bible and sound wisdom from God's word. I pray you make the right decisions. 

I do hope this general answer to your question goes some way to helping you find peace with God through Jesus Christ our Lord. If you want to know more about what Jesus has done for you please watch the video on the main part of our site:

In closing, I want to encourage you to get more involved with your local church. It would be good to speak to a Christian leader or another trusted church individual regarding your question. I know they would be delighted to further answer you as well as offer prayer and support as you continue your spiritual journey:

Please use our Interactive Answer Matrix and feel free to ask another question. Our helpful staff are praying for you and waiting to try and answer to you from the Bible, and will be delighted to tell you more about Jesus Christ the Lord, the Saviour of the world.

*All Scripture references are taken From The English Standard Version of the Holy Bible unless stated otherwise

*If anything in this answer affects you directly, then please feel free to call our confidential prayer line in the UK on 0845 4567729, where trained Christian volunteers will take your call and pray both for you and with you. If you are outside of the UK then you may submit your request for prayer on line at

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